Ordinary Issues in Soul Society
by Yiramy
Summary: Funny dialogues for an ordinary day in the Gotei 13. Second chapter is a dialogue with Hiyori and Shinji...actually outside the Gotei 13, but that doesn't bother me. Hm, poor Shinji... abandoned.
1. Bleached freakin' couch

_Hello curious readers, this is my first 'story' for Fanfiction. Normally I write stories in Dutch, not in English. This is rather difficult, so keep in mind my English grammar is bad. Please Read & Reply! ^^_

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''Matsumoto.''

''...''

''..why is the freakin' couch gone?!''

''Hmmm?''

''I asked you politely...why is the couch gone? Where is it?''

''Couch?''

''Couch. Sofa. That greenish soft thing to sit on it, or in your case...to sleep on it? Where is it?''

''Ah Taichou...''

''What's with that 'ah Taichou', that's not an answer!''

''Well, about the couch...''

''Yes?''

''About the couch...''

''Yes..I'm waiting.''

''He was a little bit...dirty.''

''...dirty of what?''

''Ehm dust.''

''Dust? How could that happen with you laying there twenty four hours a day?!''

''Okay, it was not dust.''

''Why is the couch dirty and where is it now?''

''Well...''

''Matsumoto, I want an answer. Now. Within ten seconds.''

''Well...''

''Ten.''

''How should I explain this...''

''Nine.''

''The couch...''

''Eight.''

''I had some sake last night...''

''Seven.''

''And for some reason, I poured it all over the couch.''

''…''

''Four bottles.''

''...four bottles.''

''Yeah...I knocked them over.''

''...you knocked them over.''

''Yup.''

''I still haven't got an answer on my question, Matsumoto. Where is the couch?''

''I tried to clean him.''

''And...''

''Things went wrong.''

''What kind of things went wrong?''

''Well...I thought I had some cleaning stuff but it was...bleach. So...''

''...so...''

''The couch is green with white spots now.''

''That still not answers my question! Where is my destroyed couch now?!''

''Ehm...I wanted to paint it over, but...''

''...but?''

''I picked the wrong color and now it's an green couch witch white spots and yellow strips on it.''

''And where is my couch now?''

'' Well, Renji came by and he wanted to help, but things went wrong again.''

''What is it? He painted blue stars, purple feathers and added some nice pink hearts on top of my circus couch?''

''No...he actually threw the couch a bit out of the window.''

''...a bit.''

''The couch is stuck in a tree right now.''

''...stuck in a tree.''

''We wanted to poke it out of the tree but that went wrong too.''

''...poke it with what.''

''Ehm...''

''Tell me.''

''With Hiyourinmaru.''

''What?!''

''Unfortunately, he slipped out of my fingers and now it's laying on the couch.''

''You used my Zanpaktou...my Zanpaktou...''

''Nobody can reach the couch, Renji already tried...''

''So. The couch is green with white spots and yellow stripes. It has a sake and bleach smell. It's stuck in a tree nobody can reach. And on top of that, my Hiyourinmaru is laying on the couch.''

''That's right, Taichou...''

''…''

''You look rather cute when you're angry, Taichou.''

''...MATSUMOTOOOO!''

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_What did you think about my first attemption? I hope you liked it. Second dialogue (between Hirako Shinji and Sarugaki Hiyori) is coming up!_


	2. Eggs for a Hira

_Wiew, three reviews in two days ánd three times it's added to someone's favourites! Thank you! This dialogue is...weird. A good friend of mine wanted to read this one first before she reads chapter one. She's totally into Shinji and Hiyori. xD_

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''Wake up, sleepyhead!''

''Hm....''

''Oi, lazy man! Waaaaaaake up....''

''Nah...''

''I'm getting tired of this.''

''AUCH! Hiyori-san I didn't want to being kicked in my stomach!''

''Well I asked you to get up but you were as lazy as ever.''

''I'm not. It's four o'clock in the damn morning.''

''Liar. You're holding your watch upside down. It's half past eleven.''

''I thought I could give it a try...''

''Come out of the chair!''

''Why...''

''Because we have to buy dinner today.''

''Dinner can wait.''

''No I'm hungry!''

''Go without me then.''

''No way! I need you as my slave.''

''...slave? Why do you call me a slave, when - ''

''It was a joke, dickhead!''

''Dickhead?! Don't become rude, naughty brat!''

''Dumbass!''

''Well that's not very nice!''

''Hira!''

''Yes yes, I get it, I'm the one who isn't even a living thing! ...brat.''

''Oh shut it, you two and get food already.''

''Well, Rose, if you want food, go to the supermarket yourself!''

''I agree with hi – no way I agree with him!''

''Ha, you just don't want to admit it I'm a genius!''

''Alright, you just asked for it...''

''Itai! Hiyori!''

''You deserved it!''

''You're annoying me. Allright, I'm awake and we're going to the supermarket to buy food for dinner. How is that, hm?''

''I guess it's okay. Come on, I'm starving! ...Hira.''

''Not again...''

''Well, did you bring money with you?''

''Sure I did. I'm not that stupid.''

''Okay. First thing..apples.''

''Apples? Just apples? So it doesn't matter if it's Elstar, Granny Smith or Pink Lady? We can pick apples of the trees outside then.''

''Oh yeah, I forgot. It's the money-grub who awakes in you whenever we go to the supermarket.''

''I'm not a money-grub! After all, I'm the man who brings money in.''

''By what? Opening a online channel where random people can see you sleep?''

''That would be a great idea, but unfortunately somebody else has already done that.''

''You're annoying the crap out of me. Fine. Next. Butter, cheese, ham, honey, knives? Why the hell do we need knives?''

''Mashiro combed her hair with our knives and now her green hair is everywhere in the food.''

''Fine. Somebody should have locked her up. Crazy girl.''

''And you're calling somebody crazy?''

''Yeah! Got a problem with that, dickhead?!''

''Oh shut it, little brat. We need eggs too...''

''Dumbass! You want eggs? Eggs is what you get!''

''Aah Hiyori-saaan what are you doing? You have to peel the eggs after they're boiled! It's destroying my clothes!''

''Serves you damn right. Hira.''

''Despite the fact that this 'Hira' over here isn't even a living thing...it doesn't mean I am a pan! No, Hiyori, don't. Not the milk! Do not pick it up! Keep that closed! Don't! Hiyori no! I'm not a pan to make dough for cookies!''

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_Hm. Poor, poor Shinji, but I secretly giggles if I imagine a Shinji with eggs and milk and flower all over his clothes and hair. (a)_


End file.
